Confessions
by Aloony
Summary: Draco tells his dead father, the man he hated, about the man he loved but didn't care about. Beware: Slash, suicide. Oneshot. R&R.


**Title:** _Confessions_

**Author:** _Aloony_

**Summary:** _Draco tells his dead father, the man he hated, about the man he loved. _

**Rating: **_PG13 for slash and suicide._

**Disclaimer: **_Not Mine! Belongs to J.K Rowling and various publishers ._

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**I** wish you could see me now, father.  
Right at this moment.  
You thought you were disappointed in me when you died?  
Well what I did then is nothing to what I am doing now.

Remember when I asked about liking other males?  
Do you remember the Crucio you sent my way?

I remember, father.

And that's enough.

I had to find out about why I thought other men were attractive from Muggle books.

I found out that not only do they speak of it,  
Most of them are not ashamed.

For once, I understood how Mudbloods must feel.  
Outcast in my own world,  
Yet almost normal in another.

It was strange for me, father.

I kept it to myself,Like most things,  
But I know you looked at me  
As if I was no longer your son.

Then, you died.  
Happy ending was it not?  
Sliced in half by McNair, after Voldemort was gone.  
How ironic.

After your death,  
I,  
Of course,  
…Experimented…

Not with wizards,  
But I hung around in Muggle bars. I became a regular at one.

But that's not all. After a year passed,  
I noticed another wizard in the bar.

He would drink away his tension,  
Trying to forget he had ever been born,  
Then he would leave.  
Always alone.

I don't think he noticed me for awhile. By then I was comfortable with myself,  
And I hung around the shadows,  
Waiting for my prey.

Anyway, I would watch him walk in,  
Every night.  
He drank the cheapest beer.

I followed him a few times.  
He lived in an old apartment building.

He caught me,  
After months,  
And asked me why?

My reply was simple,  
And honest.  
Pure curiosity. He let me in.

We fell in love.

Shocking, isn't it, father?

It wasn't the soft sort of love that you read about.  
We fought all the time.  
Sometimes with fists,  
But mostly with cutting words.

He never burdened me with his problems.  
And I never shut up about mine.

He could have done anything with his life,  
Instead he chose to live with me,  
In an old run-down apartment.

I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish.

I should have given him up.  
Oh yes, he loved me, and I him.  
But that wasn't enough.  
It never is.

Our souls,  
The way we truly were,  
Deep down,  
Fit perfectly.

Our personalities even fit.

If our memories had been different,  
It would have been wonderful.

The guilt of loving,  
And sleeping with,  
The deatheater who had killed his best friend in battle,  
Was too much for him.

I could tell, father.

Yet, I never let him forget me.

I was selfish and kept holding on.  
In the end he found our solution.

It wasn't a good one,  
But it solved his problems.

I loved him, yes,  
But I wish I had cared a little more.

Back to the beginning, father,  
Now that you have a shaky grasp on understanding.

What I'm doing would make you roll in your grave.

I'm crying.  
Crying for my lover, my enemy,  
Harry Potter,  
The Man-who-wouldn't-die,  
Is dead.

The guilt, the love, the pain.  
Life became too much for him.

I was there the night it happened.  
We were hanging out.  
He excused himself,  
Went to the bathroom, and swallowed the pills.

Next thing I knew,  
He told me he loved me,  
And hated me.  
Then he fell.

He used poisonous,  
Magical,  
Irreversible,  
Pills.

He was dead by the time he touched the floor.  
And a big piece of me died with him.

Part of him, I know,  
Hoped all of me would follow.  
But I can't, and won't, do that.

I'm too selfish.

I knew him for who he was.  
Under that saintly exterior,  
He was just like the rest of us.  
A real person,  
Full of hurt, and blame.

He blamed me for his pain,  
And for the Weasley family's pain.  
He wished that he didn't love me.

He wished that he didn't love me,  
So that he could kill me.

He hated me enough for that.

I should have punished myself for him. I should have left him, for his own sake.  
But I didn't want to lose him.

Now, I've lost him anyway.

You may think I'm weak father,  
For loving him enough to cry,  
But I think the person I'm really crying for,  
Is myself.

For my selfishness.  
For my pain.  
For my hate.  
But mostly for my love.

_Draco Malfoy._

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AN: Depressing, stupid, disgusting, boring...I want to know your opinion! Review and I'll like you! A. _


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